Not-Single Insight No. 1

I believe it's time to do something interesting with my blog again. In the words of Maria Von Trapp in The Sound of Music, "Let's start at the very beginning; a very good place to start."

My life has changed significantly since January 21 of this year.

Many of you know me as the single girl who writes articles for singles (and not-singles). But in January, God began a new chapter in my life as the not-single girl who still writes articles for singles (and not-singles).

The change was so sudden and unexpected that I have struggled to shift gears. Because of that, I have been hesitant to talk (in a public way) about the wonderful man God has brought into my life. But God has been working as steadily in my not-single state as He did in my single state, teaching me things about myself and my relationship with Him. So, on a semi-regular basis, I would like to share some insights from my new perspective as a not-single.

Not-Single Insight No. 1: There's Nothing Wrong With You

Well, technically there is something wrong with you. After all, we are all sinners (Rom. 3:23). But many times during my singleness, I struggled with wondering if there was something about me that was defective. In "Seven Myths Single Women Believe," I wrote:

For a long time I believed that if I were thinner, I would attract a husband. Magazines with images of women with flawless skin and model-thin bodies fuel that inner voice that says, You're not thin enough. You're not pretty enough. Or worse, I wonder if it's my personality. I talk too much. Or I laugh at the wrong times. Or I'm too assertive. It's easy to look at married women and wonder: Why them and not me?

Single women. There is nothing wrong with seeking to improve your faith, character and outward appearance. That's not what I'm saying. But what the Lord has shown me through my relationship with Kevin is that the right kind of relationship affirms the person God has created you to be. The first time I met Kevin, I was wearing a wordless book bracelet. (Read the story of the wordless book).

It was the night before I would begin serving at VBS at my church and I had made the bracelets for all the kids in my class. It happened to be an outward sign of a core passion of mine: child evangelism. I was meeting a friend at Starbucks and the barista (who happened to be a very handsome young man) asked me: "Where did you get that bracelet?!"

I was surprised to have the bracelet recognized. I told the barista, Kevin, that I was teaching VBS and he said: "I'm going to be a children's pastor!" Our initial conversation and "click" arose from something that was integral to who I am. The words from my "7 Myths" article reveal a diminished understanding of God's purpose for relationships. Changing who you are — no matter how tempting — to attract someone veers away from God's design for bringing people together. A childish bracelet and accompanying childlike heart may deter one fellow, but it may be irresistible to another.

God is teaching me that the best kind of relationship is one where each person's God-given traits and gifts are affirmed in the presence and personality of the other.