How To Get a Ring By Spring

Statistics show that if you don't find your perfect man by the time you graduate college chances are good you never will. That ship will have sailed. Because of this alarming statistic it is crucial to take stock of your real purpose for pursuing higher education: to catch a fella! Here are four fail-proof steps for getting your MRS. degree:

1. Attend a bridal...er, Bible college. Be sure it is credentialed for matrimony. Your chosen college should be well-known for some version of the following tagline: "A ring by spring or your money back." It is also helpful if your parents or another married couple you respect met there.

2. Keep studies in their proper place. Adhere to the following rule of thumb: "Grades are not as important as dates." Of course you should strive for academic success. This shows available men that you are motivated and bright. But if your studies are getting in the way of your social life, it may be time to settle...for a lower grade.

3. Whatever you do, do not, and I repeat do NOT let yourself go while you are in college. These are the most attractive years of your life no matter what anyone says. I...one girl I know made this mistake. She quit wearing makeup and doing her hair. As a result, she had zero dates for two and a half years. She did, however, graduate in the top ten percent of her class, but that was little consolation for a ringless finger.

4. If your senior year should come and there are no prospects, do not panic! You are not yet an old maid (that will happen after you graduate). Simply pray more fervently that one of the men you've become chums with during the past three years will suddenly realize you are meant to be his wife! If nothing happens by second semester, seek professional help. Meet with the marriage and family professors and ask them to arrange a marriage. This had been done in the past with surprisingly good results.

[April Fools! Read the rest of the fun here!]