Rocked

This is how I feel.

Rocked can mean two things. The first meaning is to astound, shock, shake, stun. The second meaning is to sway, hold, cuddle. One is a shaking out of security; the other is the state of it.

Over the past month or so, God has been rocking my world. He has been shaking me out of my complacency (sometimes with a painful jolt) and challenging some comfortable assumptions. I don't like this feeling. It's confusing and frightening and threatening. Especially threatening. I've grown into a person who I like over the past 28 years. I'm comfortable with that person. And now God would have me do more? Or worse, something completely different?

When one realizes that one is being "rocked," one (being me) has two choices. I can hold tightly to the way things have always been, and when the quake is over clean up the mess and go back to normal. Or, I can just let go and...be pummeled by debris. (OK, this analogy breaks down a little at this point.) But, no. Assuming that I will not die, I can give into the quake and let the rocking drop me where it may - perhaps somewhere completely new.

This, to me, often feels unsurvivable...that the walls around me will collapse - but for one thing. He who rocks my world also rocks me. In those moments of sheer terror in letting go, I discover that I am in His arms. He provides peace and refuge...sanctuary for a tired, yet restless, soul. And as he rocks, my breathing slows and I begin to hear His heartbeat. I am reminded that all is well. Because as much as He shakes up my world, He will not let me go.

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart." -Isaiah 40:11