You're a Great Guy, but...
Ever heard those words? Ever delivered them? I wrote an article about it for Boundless.
I have to admit that I'm slightly disappointed with the art. Mainly because the guys I had in mind when writing the article are not of the video-game-playing, loser variety. Nor are the women glamourous. These are godly men with good qualities, who have at some point run up against a wall, and young ladies with kind intentions.
My encouragement: Fight the good fight, men. Just because it didn't work out with one young lady doesn't mean it won't with the next. And girls, say what you mean and mean what you say. Enjoy!
posted by Suzanne @ 9:56 AM
6 Comments:
I've had this kind of turn down before... the girl said... "Let's be best friends." I remember grimacing at that and shortly after the conversation (while at home) the thought I had was... "uh no, best friends get married, if she's not interested then why would be best friends?" I knew the girl didn't want to go down that road and I knew that she was just trying to be nice, and I thank her for that, but! I'd rather her be honest, and I think ALL guys would. Honesty towards someone empowers that person to not be discouraged (usually). Anyway, I just decided that regardless of her response I'd continue to be her friend (not best friend, but friend) and trust the Lord that another will come. We've since moved away to different cities, but occasionally exchange e-mails curious about what's going on in each others life (I'm sure that'll change once we're married).
I've had a few other opportunities come up with turn downs, but have always been pointed in saying since that "best friends is not an option because best friends get married." Both sides need to be open and honest. Like you said, it's not to make the other person discouraged but because Christ calls us to build each other up! And how can we be building each other up when we are only giving half-truths?
What I've also learned is this... it takes work. Some guys want to jump from the seeing the girl in the crowd right to courtship, that might work rarely, but it's more then that. It takes work on the guy to actually pursue that girl and get to know her (and also allowing himself to be open to her and display his personality for her to get to know him) amongst fellow christians in groups or church or whatever and then make the judgement call on whether or not he wants to pursue courtship. I can't just go from occasionally talking to the girl while at church to asking her to court... I don't think she'd be comfortable with that, would she? :) I know I wouldn't.
Grace & Peace!
Also, could you update my link to "I See Daylight" on your blog to my new blog "Holding Fast" at holding-fast.blogspot.com? I had to change it because I didn't want to pay for the site anymore, I also figured I'd let you know because the old link doesn't work anymore :)
Helpful article, Suzanne. I wish I'd read this when I was still single. The practical advice would've come in handy.
On a related note, one of my best friends actually turned down her husband the first time he approached her about courtship. But God slowly changed her heart about the relationship. About a year later they started dating. They've now been married almost four years and just had their first baby.
Wow -- you're featured on the same day as Mikey Seaver. How cool is that?!?!
You know, as far as art as concerned, you could've just grabbed me and the Pyle for the loser video game playing variety! ;)
Frank. Done! And great observations! You're right. In most circumstances, the girl would need to feel like she has a good idea of who you are before she would be comfortable entering a courtship. That interim step can be tricky, though....
Suz, absolutely LOVED this article!
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