Suzanne's Second Estate

A web log of my thoughts, activities, life....

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Stop Test-Driving

“How do I know if she’s the one?”

With this question, Michael Lawrence, Associate Pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist Church, launches into his article, “Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend.”

I can't think of a question I encounter more often among single Christian men. The point of the question is clear enough. But a rich irony dwells beneath the question. In a culture that allows us to choose the person we're going to marry, no one wants to make the wrong choice. Especially if, as Christians, we understand that the choice we make is a choice for life.

The question is not merely ironic. If what you're after is a marriage that will glorify God and produce real joy for you and your bride, it's also the wrong question. That's because the unstated goal of the question is "How do I know if she's the one ... for me."

While I think both men and women are guilty of obsessing over the question of "the one," I have observed that guys in particular seem paralyzed by it. They will often say things like, “I love her, but I don’t see myself marrying her” or “she seems perfect, but there's something missing.” The girl usually doesn't share the sentiment (or she wouldn't be in a relationship with him). Lawrence’s article addresses some of the fears guys experience and reveals the consumerist motives that drive them. Whether you're a guy or girl, I recommend giving this article a test-drive.


At 11:50 AM, Anonymous Mark Wilson said...

That article says

none of us get to marry Jesus. Instead, like Hosea, we all marry Gomer; that is to say, we all marry another sinner, whom God intends to use to refine and grow our faith in Jesus.

This is *exactly* my point in my post

What we look for in each other should be tempered by the reality that everyone is fallen and is going to have "issues".

At 12:35 AM, Anonymous Stick Horse Hunter said...

Three times I've heard something to the effect of "You seem like the perfect guy" or "I can't find anything wrong with you". Usually the end of that conversation ends with the girl giving me the boot. My experience tells me the opposite -- that girls are the ones that are paralized by taking a risk on a relationship.

At 2:57 AM, Anonymous Mark Wilson said...

Yep. I agree. Guys tend to jump in wherever, girls hang back and "preserve" themselves (which is not a bad thing BTW).

At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Alex Chediak said...

Dear Susanne,

I also think Michael Lawrence's article was outstanding. My name is Alex Chediak and I am an apprentice at The Bethlehem Insitute, a seminary-level training program run by Pastors John Piper and Tom Steller. I have written a book called With One Voice: Singleness, Dating, and Marriage to the Glory of God. It has been endorsed by Albert Mohler, Ben Patterson, Bruce Ware, and Rick Holland (college pastor to John MacArthur). You can read a brief summary, several reviews, and the endorsements here:

I commend it to you for the blessing that I think it can bring to you and others.

Grace and peace,

At 10:39 AM, Anonymous Stick Horse Hunter said...

Thanks for the shameless plug-comment-spam, Alex.


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